Comparisons

As women we all look at each other and compare ourselves. Why does she look that good after just having had a baby and my baby is almost two and I‘m still in a size 16? Why do her kids always look so polished every time I see them and mine are just lucky to have a clean face, much less expertly styled hair and cutey-patooty clothes? Why does she look cute every time I run into her at the grocery store and I’m always in my sweats and hat? You know you do it. We all do. We’ve all heard the quotes, the Relief Society lessons, the General Conference talks on not comparing ourselves and yet we do it still. I suppose it’s human. I’m not going to tell you not to do it because I know it won’t change things. We start comparing when we are 4 or 5 yrs. old and we will do it till’ the day we die. It is something that women are famous for.  I remember when my oldest daughter was about four we were at Kmart and she pointed to a woman down the aisle and said, “Mom? How come your bum is so much bigger than her’s?”  Isn’t she sweet?!  I remember in that moment I pasted on a fake smile, gave a fake laugh and said dryly, “Because I’ve had two almost 10 lb. babies and I’m still recovering.” Of course, my youngest at the time was almost two so that wasn’t a valid excuse. The woman down the aisle either didn’t hear or graciously ignored my delightful child and we went on our way. I remember though, thinking about the comment for weeks after that. I knew my child had not meant any harm by it, she was merely observing, but it hurt all the same. We laugh about it now and unfortunately, add another 10 pounder to the mix, and I have been gifted with yet an even bigger behind than I had that day!

Nowadays Blogland has given us more to compare. Her blog is cuter than mine, she's a better writer than me, she takes better pictures than mine, I can't even get one comment and she has three hundred and twelve! Good Criminy! Why does it have to be so hard to just sit back and like ourselves? I look at women who have insightful things to say about politics and I think, "Man. I am so stupid! I have absolutely nothing to say about healthcare nor do I really have any interest in learning about it  at this time in my life (and really what would it change anyway?). She must be such an interesting, brilliant person, unlike me!" I look at the photographers I admire and I think, " I will never be that good! Why can't my photos look like that?" I read some blogs that are so articulate and make everything sound magical and poetic and I think of how clunky my posts must sound in comparison.

In my mind I know that I shouldn't compare. I am not that person and I know they have challenges and insecurities and trials just like me. So why do we do it? More importantly how do we stop? Do you really think we can, as women, stop comparing--or is it an unrealistic expectation? At this point in my life I think it may be impossible. What I would like to learn is how to stop my own negative internal dialogue and accept the fact that I am who I am and I am going to keep comparing myself, because it's just what I do. Instead of allowing those comparisons to negatively impact me I would like to learn how to turn them into positive motivations to better myself. Does that make sense? For instance, why can't I take that photography comparison that once made me feel discouraged and let it motivate me instead to study and practice and learn from that person. Instead of being jealous of someone else's writing style, why not enjoy it and use it as motivation to better my own? Sounds easier than it really is but I'm definitely going to work on it. Who knows, if I work on it hard enough maybe one day I'll be the one with the smaller backside!