Part 3...Meningitis

**Disclaimer: The following section of the story is very honest. It does not paint a very pretty picture of my sweet husband and I during a stressful situation. Before I decided how honest I would be I talked to Matt and asked his opinion. He told me to write it how it happened and I have. It's actually quite therapeutic for me to write about this I've decided and I am thankful that I have a husband that is ok with me writing our "true story" so that one day we'll remember the good and the bad and our kids will see that we made it through it all!** 


*Oh and the computer tantrum continues so I'm not sure if there will be pictures for the rest of the story...dangit!*


The chocolate cake was gone, the tears had subsided for a minute and it was time to go back to the ER waiting room to see how my baby girl had faired. It was about that time that Matt called. He had finally gotten into his truck and had driven down the canyon and had seen my repeated attempts to call him. "What's up?" He questioned? I told him where we were and what had transpired to far. I told him that the first round of tests had come back normal and that she had then needed a CT scan and a spinal tap. He was shocked that so much had happened in his absence. He had left that morning with Thomas thinking that all was well. That his new baby girl was pretty darn healthy and now she was in the ER having painful tests. He was not happy that I had let them do the spinal tap but I told him that I could not get a hold of him before they did it and that I had just wanted what was best for her. He hadn't really seen one of her "twitchy" episodes and he was mad because he felt like I had waited until he left and then conspired with my sister (have I mentioned we're co-dependent?) and our paranoia had fed off of each others' until we decided that something must be wrong. I tried to assure him that Amber had had nothing to do with the situation and that I had brought Em to the hospital under the pediatrician's direction. He was still mad. He said he would be up as soon as he found somewhere for T to go and could find a neighbor to come up and help give Em a blessing. I hung up the phone and the tears started all over again. Now my baby was sick, I had put her through a very painful test that I wasn't sure she needed and my husband was mad at me....good times.

At this point it was about 10:30 at night and we had arrived around 8. Madison, my sis and I sat down in the waiting room and shortly thereafter a nurse came out to talk to us about how the test had gone. I bawled while he told me that she had done well in the CT scan and that although she was not happy during the spinal tap, she was calm now and I could go back to see her. When I got back to the room, there she was wrapped in a blanket with red puffy eyes and splotchy skin that I knew had been caused by heavy crying. I picked her up and rocked her and I cried some more. Us girls sat and waited for Matt and the test results, with me not sure of which one I hoped would arrive first. Turns out it was Matt.

Matt walked in with our neighbor and good friend Sam and told me that another neighbor had let T stay with them (thank heavens for neighbors). The guys sat and visited for awhile and then anointed and blessed Em that she would heal completely from whatever infection she had and that she would be comforted through the procedures she was going through. Then we all waited.....and waited....and waited....

Around midnight Sam offered to take Madison and Amber home for us since they were getting tired and I was left with my unhappy husband to await the test results that still hadn't come (why do things in ER's take so blasted long?!). At some point they moved us to another room so that they could have the resuscitation room for a trauma that was coming in and again we waited.

After a while a doctor came in with the results which showed that Em had a small brain bleed which he said could have just been from delivery and that her spinal fluid had been a dark cloudy yellowish brown color instead of being clear as it should be. He said that her spinal fluid had a higher level of white blood cells than it should (normal being none) and that indicated an infection also. He told us that at this point they were pretty sure that she had meningitis and that she was a very sick little girl. I, of course, started crying again. He told us that they would start her on medicine as a precaution and then wait for her samples to grow out in the lab. The catch was that in babies that small much of the time their samples didn't grow out, even when they were positive for meningitis, because they could only take a very small amount of spinal fluid. Whether it grew out or not they would treat her as if she had tested positive because babies who do have meningitis, especially at such a young age, could go downhill fast. Matt wasn't happy about her being there without a sure answer that she did indeed have meningitis and when the doctor left the room I knew that Matt was not happy. He still didn't think she seemed sick enough to be there and was still feeling like I had gone behind his back.

Before the doctor left he had told us that someone else would come in to admit her and that she would then be transferred to a more permanent room. After waiting forever AGAIN Matt asked if he should stay or go get the other two. At this point it was around 2:00am I was exhausted (I had just given birth like 6 days ago for crying out loud!) and I was pretty peeved at his lack of support and I told him that quite frankly I didn't want him there anymore and to just leave...and he did.

Part 2...The Spinal Tap

I have no pictures to put with this post because I can't get to them off of my other computer right now. It is throwing a tantrum...

So we got to the ER and checked in. They took all of her vitals and sent us back to a room (which since then I have learned was a resuscitation room for the most critically ill patients and apparently they don't put you in that room unless they are really worried. I'm glad I didn't know that back then...). When the doctor came in they started examining her and took some blood samples. They told me that her coloring was redder than it should be and that she was more floppy than she should be (she didn't pull her legs and arms up like most newborns do, instead preferring to lay with her legs and arms relaxed and straight. I just figured she was a really "chill" kind of baby!) They also told me that she was dehydrated and would need some fluids. They told me that they had put a rush on the blood samples and would know shortly if her levels were off (sugar, potassium, sodium). Again I didn't worry too much, thinking that all would be well with some fluids and possibly a glucose drip and Madison and my sis and I visited and waited.

By this time I had tried repeatedly, starting when we left the house, to try to get a hold of Matt to let him know what was going on but he was somewhere in the mountains and out of range.

A short time later the doctor came back in saying that her levels all looked good except that she was indeed dehydrated. Then he proceeded to tell me that with newborns they never stop at the first round of tests when possible seizures are present. He told me that after the basic level checks they move onto trying to find an infection in the brain or spinal fluid which meant doing a head CT and a Spinal Tap. This is where the worry started to set in and my calmness began to crumble. I was perfectly ok with them taking a little blood or putting my 5 day old baby in a machine to get a picture of her brain but sticking a rather large needle into her spinal column was an entirely different story! I asked them the pros and cons. Could she be paralyzed? The chances were incredibly low. Would it cause a spinal headache? Again, very unlikely. What if I choose not to and there is something wrong? Was there another way to find out? Not if it was an infection in her cerebral fluid and if there was one and we didn't catch it the results could be severe brain damage and, in an infant that young, a rapid death. Would it be painful for her? Unfortunately, most likely. Because they were trying to find this mystery infection before it had a chance to harm her they couldn't wait for her to be sedated. Are.You.Kidding.Me. I thought we were coming for a little sugar water! I tried to call Matt one more time before giving them the go ahead......no answer. I remember looking down at Em wrapped in her blanket in nothing but a diaper and feeling like I had failed her somehow. She was 5 days old! She was supposed to come into this world and be loved and cuddled not poked with needles in her tiny little back! And what if it was all for nothing?! What if they stuck that needle in and everything was fine and I had put her through that for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?! I had heard how painful lumbar punctures could be and the thought of doing that to my brand spankin' new baby was horrible! I asked them if I could stay with her while they did it and they told me that they didn't recommend it. They told me that it would be hard to watch and that they would let me stay but would rather I leave and come back in 20 minutes after both the CT scan and the Spinal Tap were done.

I have to say that laying her back on that ER bed, kissing her little head and walking away was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. I don't know how parents do it who have to leave their children while they undergo major surgeries or medical treatments. I pray I never have to find out!

So I left the room and the tears started. I tried so hard not to show Madison how worried I was because I didn't want her to worry but the spinal was my limit! Madison and Amber and I walked to the cafeteria and tried to drown my sorrows in chocolate cake while I counted the minutes as they ticked by. Now, you have to remember that I had just given birth less than a week ago and my hormones were NUTS so that didn't help matters either. I would just get control and stop crying and then 30 seconds later I would start again. I could not stop thinking about my tiny girl being folded into a ball while they put that needle in her back. Was she hurting? Was she scared? Why the heck was 20 minutes taking SO LONG?





 

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

Since I mentioned our Meningitis episode with Emilia in my last post I have been thinking a lot about it and "what if" we hadn't have caught it. I know it happened 2 years ago but this blog didn't exist 2 years ago so I figured I'd write about it now so that it's recorded for the future. It's a long story so I'll break it up into a few posts and I'll understand if you don't read all of it...

Back then Emilia was a little (a 10 lb. 5 oz. "little") newborn. She was a month early and when she was born she had a really hard time coming around. Her shoulders had gotten stuck on the way out and when she came out she didn't cry. She didn't really move. She was really floppy and I think back and realize that I was not as worried about her as I should have been, after all her first Apgar score was a 2 out of 10. I suppose I took for granted that my other two had been healthy so she would be too. What if she hadn't come around? I remember the nurse not wanting Madison to see her at first, just in case..., while they tried to get her going and then only getting to hold her for about 5 minutes with oxygen near her nose before they whisked her away. I remember seeing her hooked up to oxygen and IV's and monitors and them telling me that she had been stuck 4 times to place the IV line and she still hadn't cried and that worried me.

Over the next 3 days she steadily improved, coming off of the oxygen and the glucose drip, and I finally heard her cry. It was hardest to watch Madison because she had been so excited for this baby and had wanted to be the first to hold her and then never got to on the day she was born. Then she wasn't allowed in the nursery because she was too young. I remember being in the nursery and holding Em up for the kids to see through the window and turning to see tears rolling down Madison's little face as she looked at this baby that she already loved so much and had been dreaming of holding for so long. One of the nurses saw me start to cry and asked how old Madison was. I told her she was eight and she said, "Hurry! Let's sneak her in for a quick second!" I will never forget the sweet look on Madison's face as she held her baby sister for all of about a minute.

A day later we brought our baby girl home and she was held non-stop. Then I started to notice something, something that I had never seen my other two babies do. Emilia twitched...a lot. It wasn't a "startle" like all babies do. She would be sleeping in her car seat and her arm would twitch repeatedly for a minute or so. I would be holding her and her arm and leg would twitch so I'd hold her a little tighter to try to get it to stop, and it wouldn't. The problem was, I was the only one who had seen it. Then, the third day we were home, Matt had taken T four-wheeling and Madison and I were watching TV on my bed with Emilia on the boppy in front of us and she started twitching again. Her little arm started jerking over and over, the longest yet, and I decided that it was time to call the doctor (I have since then looked up videos of newborn seizures found this on Youtube which is exactly what Em was doing.). I called the Pediatrician and she told me that she thought it might be from low blood sugar since she was such a big baby and that I needed to go to Primary Children's to get her sugar, potassium and sodium levels checked. I left the house with Madison and the baby in tow accompanied by my sister (who had already been on her way over to hang out) and we headed to the Children's Hospital fully expecting to be back in a few hours after some tests and maybe a little glucose...

Anybody got Valium?

When I was little, about 6 years old, I had a best friend named Carrie. We lived in the same apartment complex and were as bestie as two besties can be, we were never apart. We were also in the same school class. One day our teacher decided that we talked too much in class (yep, even then I talked to much). She moved Carrie across the room to another desk. I vividly remember that moment. It was complete heartbreak for me. I was painfully shy and didn't make friends easily and Carrie was like a security blanket I suppose...my "woobie" if you will. I remember laying my head down on my desk and sobbing. It was not a tantrum sob like you might expect from a 6 yr. old who had felt betrayed and wanted to vent her anger. It was a sob of complete devastation from a little heart that wondered how she would ever go on without her best friend right at her side. I remember feeling lonely and scared and sick. I honestly thought that it was the end of my little world. Now that I think back to it I realize that Carrie did not shed a single tear...hmmm....curious.

Anyway, I tell you this not because I wanted you to wander down memory lane with me to peek in at my most embarrassing moments, but because it is happening again and this time it hurts a thousand times worse. My bestest bestie in the whole wide world is being moving away from me and there's nothing I can do. But this time it's not just across the room. This time it is much farther away. My sister, my "woobie" is leaving  me. She is moving to Texas and I can't stop her and those horrible feelings are back again. Loneliness, fear and that pit in my stomach. I don't know who I am without her. I told Matt that I am actually one and a half people. There's the half that's just me, the half that he makes up and the half that is my sister. She is who I call when I need to vent. Her's is the house I show up at in my pajamas (that sometimes end up matching hers much to the Fedex man's delight!). She's my date on Girls' Night Out and my shopping buddy. She never judges me or criticizes and she steps in to rescue me when I am on the brink of insanity. She loves my kids like her own. She was the one who caught Emilia when she was born, then walked the ER halls with me (and Madison) 5 days later while I cried as my new baby girl was given a spinal tap and diagnosed with Meningitis. Yeah, I'm co-dependent and I'm not afraid to admit it...Matt even calls her my wife :) She's the one I would call if I had a dead body to get rid of...well maybe her and Matt since her and I really aren't that strong put together.

Sure there are phones, and planes and email but it's not the same. I know it sounds silly but I am afraid to be without her. I am afraid to have to go places alone. I am afraid to have nowhere to go in my pajamas.

*SIGH*

Yep. I'm co-dependent.

About that Valium...?


 
  

Wheelchairs and Room Service...

The past two weeks have been full of viruses for our poor kids. Last week Thomas had the flu. It started two Sundays ago and went until the next Friday. It was strange. He would throw up at night along with having other...ahem...issues...and then the next day be fine. It went on like that until Thursday when I really started to worry that something more may be wrong when his stomach got very bloated looking and he was complaining that it was painful to stand or even sit up and the vomiting worsened. I could literally see in his face how much pain he was in and he fell asleep and was really hard to wake up. I had to carry him down the stairs and into the car which was no easy feat! Luckily Matt got home just as we were leaving and T and I headed to the pediatrician. He was miserable on the way there, getting sick twice, and couldn't even walk into the office on his own. The doctor poked and prodded and asked questions and told me that she suspected appendicitis or a bowel blockage and wanted me to take him to the ER at the Children's Hospital for x-rays and fluids as he was also somewhat dehydrated. So we made the almost 30 minute drive with poor T getting sick again in the backseat and I got him a wheelchair when we got to the ER entrance (by that point my back just could not carry him anymore!).

All of the pics were taken on my phone...not the best. Sorry!

Well let me tell you, the minute his backside hit that wheelchair he perked up almost instantly. We checked in and were told to wait and wait we did. Eventually we were put in an exam room....to wait some more. By this time Matt had arrived thanks to our amazing neighbors that came to hang out with the girls. The worst part about it was that we had had the carpets and couches cleaned that day so there was ONE couch they could sit on while they were there! Luckily Em was in bed by this time and Madison went to bed shortly after...but still!

Anyway, back at the hospital we waited....and waited...and waited. Finally the doctor came in and there was Thomas attempting wheelies in his new toy and scooting around the room. He had also made himself at home on the bed while watching a movie on the bed. The doctors poked around his stomach, asked us questions and declared that they suspected that it was a bad case of the flu...UM WHAT?! They let him have some water and crackers and an orange Popsicle and told us to walk around and see if it would induce pain at all. We walked laps and nothing happened. When we returned they had him pee in a cup and then we waited...and waited...and waited for those results which turned out to show that he was a little dehydrated (seriously? SERIOUSLY?!) but they didn't give him fluids and there was no infection. So we spent 5 hours (we got there at 8:30pm and got home around 1:30am) at the hospital all to find out that Thomas had the flu and there was nothing they could do! Oy vey! Not that I wanted him to have something seriously wrong like appendicitis but how frustrating! As we were walking out of the hospital he said to me, "Mom, that was the best day of my life!" He was asleep not even 5 minutes into the drive home. The next day he bragged to everybody about having his own wheelchair and being brought any kind of snack he wanted while watching a movie in bed!

Well, now Thomas has made a full recovery and misses his beloved wheelchair tremendously. He's asked if we can get him one for his birthday....ummmm no. Now that he is well of course someone else has to get sick and it happens to be Em with chronic diarrhea (for about a month now...I know, I know. I was waiting for her two yr. check up next week and trying to cure it myself!) and a yeast rash on her girlie parts (that only started a couple of days ago...) I know, too much information. 

Kids! Guess if it's not one of em' it's the other!