Part 2...The Spinal Tap

I have no pictures to put with this post because I can't get to them off of my other computer right now. It is throwing a tantrum...

So we got to the ER and checked in. They took all of her vitals and sent us back to a room (which since then I have learned was a resuscitation room for the most critically ill patients and apparently they don't put you in that room unless they are really worried. I'm glad I didn't know that back then...). When the doctor came in they started examining her and took some blood samples. They told me that her coloring was redder than it should be and that she was more floppy than she should be (she didn't pull her legs and arms up like most newborns do, instead preferring to lay with her legs and arms relaxed and straight. I just figured she was a really "chill" kind of baby!) They also told me that she was dehydrated and would need some fluids. They told me that they had put a rush on the blood samples and would know shortly if her levels were off (sugar, potassium, sodium). Again I didn't worry too much, thinking that all would be well with some fluids and possibly a glucose drip and Madison and my sis and I visited and waited.

By this time I had tried repeatedly, starting when we left the house, to try to get a hold of Matt to let him know what was going on but he was somewhere in the mountains and out of range.

A short time later the doctor came back in saying that her levels all looked good except that she was indeed dehydrated. Then he proceeded to tell me that with newborns they never stop at the first round of tests when possible seizures are present. He told me that after the basic level checks they move onto trying to find an infection in the brain or spinal fluid which meant doing a head CT and a Spinal Tap. This is where the worry started to set in and my calmness began to crumble. I was perfectly ok with them taking a little blood or putting my 5 day old baby in a machine to get a picture of her brain but sticking a rather large needle into her spinal column was an entirely different story! I asked them the pros and cons. Could she be paralyzed? The chances were incredibly low. Would it cause a spinal headache? Again, very unlikely. What if I choose not to and there is something wrong? Was there another way to find out? Not if it was an infection in her cerebral fluid and if there was one and we didn't catch it the results could be severe brain damage and, in an infant that young, a rapid death. Would it be painful for her? Unfortunately, most likely. Because they were trying to find this mystery infection before it had a chance to harm her they couldn't wait for her to be sedated. Are.You.Kidding.Me. I thought we were coming for a little sugar water! I tried to call Matt one more time before giving them the go ahead......no answer. I remember looking down at Em wrapped in her blanket in nothing but a diaper and feeling like I had failed her somehow. She was 5 days old! She was supposed to come into this world and be loved and cuddled not poked with needles in her tiny little back! And what if it was all for nothing?! What if they stuck that needle in and everything was fine and I had put her through that for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?! I had heard how painful lumbar punctures could be and the thought of doing that to my brand spankin' new baby was horrible! I asked them if I could stay with her while they did it and they told me that they didn't recommend it. They told me that it would be hard to watch and that they would let me stay but would rather I leave and come back in 20 minutes after both the CT scan and the Spinal Tap were done.

I have to say that laying her back on that ER bed, kissing her little head and walking away was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. I don't know how parents do it who have to leave their children while they undergo major surgeries or medical treatments. I pray I never have to find out!

So I left the room and the tears started. I tried so hard not to show Madison how worried I was because I didn't want her to worry but the spinal was my limit! Madison and Amber and I walked to the cafeteria and tried to drown my sorrows in chocolate cake while I counted the minutes as they ticked by. Now, you have to remember that I had just given birth less than a week ago and my hormones were NUTS so that didn't help matters either. I would just get control and stop crying and then 30 seconds later I would start again. I could not stop thinking about my tiny girl being folded into a ball while they put that needle in her back. Was she hurting? Was she scared? Why the heck was 20 minutes taking SO LONG?