All that churchy stuff.....Resolution #5

The Hubster tells me that I am his ticket into heaven. Unfortunately I seem to be headed the other direction so far. Not that I have done anything too evil but quite frankly I haven't done anything that spectacular either. I sorta just do enough to get by. Kinda like in High School. I still have nightmares that I am not going to graduate....but that's a different story. Anyway, I've gotten really lazy. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad to have the Church in my life and I have no intention  of leaving it. But I have to admit, I haven't been at all diligent about praying, reading my scriptures, attending all 3 meetings (good old 1-4 church. Um. The Pea's naptime. I gave up.), exemplifying my calling (Activity Days leader), service, temple attendance, food storage, I could go on and on. I know, we all have problems from time to time doing everything that we should but this last year it seems like I just kinda gave up. It's funny how fast you get out of a habit when you skip it just once or twice. I was just too tired to kneel down and pray a few times and before I knew it  I was saying my prayers while lying in bed every night. I know. I could do a whole lot worse. But you have to admit, I could do better. Do you know that I haven't been to the temple since before The Pea was born? She's 18 months old now. How embarrassing... Don't get me started on scripture study! I either find other things to do, start reading and fall asleep or read just a bit and then lose interest and don't pick em' up for another few weeks. Again, I could do better. FHE happens occasionally but not regularly. I'm embarrassed to admit that my kids rarely say their personal prayers and we remember to say mealtime prayers at dinnertime most nights, forget breakfast or lunch though. Why is it so hard to remember to help them pray? It just seems like by the time I get food on the table or kids settled down and tucked into bed, I've lost the brainpower to think of prayer or scripture study with them. That's right, I'm takin' the kiddos to you-know-where in a handbasket with me! Really though, all joking aside, I know things could be worse. I know I'm not some big sinner or anything. But I want to do better. I want to teach my kids to pray and to serve and to understand and rely on the scriptures. I want them to have memories of FHE and Mom and Dad heading out the door dressed up to go to the temple. I need the peace and inspiration that doing these things brings and our home needs the lessons that kids learn from these practices. So here's the part where I make it a resolution. The problem is all of this is really overwhelming and quite frankly I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll do very good at changing things. If ya'll have any ideas on how to incorporate these habits into my family's lives I'd be happy to hear em'! Maybe, just maybe, I could get me and The Hubster into heaven after all!

Resolution #5-Do better at the Churchy Stuff 

I collect exercise DVD's.....Resolution#4

Everybody collects something. The Princess collects rocks, The Pirate collects Bakugans, The Pea collects binkies (behind her crib I might add), and The Hubster collects BYU football games (on the DVR). So. I collect DVD's of firm bodied, overly-perky women in spandex who enthusiastically urge me to join them as they hop around and never once sound breathless or break a sweat.

There was a study I read a couple of years ago that said people's metabolisms actually sped up while sitting on the couch and WATCHING an exercise routine on TV. That's my kind of workout! However, the ever increasing size of my gluteus maximus (did I spell that right?) has led me to believe that simply collecting these DVD's  is no longer beneficial in and of itself. I think I might actually need to start hopping around with those perky little chicks. *groan* Now, finding time and energy to do this is another story. Do I find myself sucked into that spandex clad world or do I simply get on the treadmill or elliptical? I even have Wii Fit and EAS(?) Active. Do you know how hard it is to work out on one of those boards when your toddler keeps trying to join you? Not to mention, a lot of those games really don't seem to do much in the way of whittling down my figure. But, it is better than sitting on the couch.... Anyway, the point is, I need to do something! I need to accept that I will never have my 20 year old body back and make this body (that has birthed 3-10lbs. babies and consequently has more stretched out skin on my belly than any one woman should-I know the visual is stunning) the best that it can be. Now I just have to figure out the when and how of it and make sure to have the phone nearby so that I can call 911 while having an overly-perky, spandex clad heart attack. On second thought, I better not wear spandex. It might scare the EMTs.

Resolution#4- Exercise at least 4 days a week.

The Breakup.......Resolution #3

 Dear Ben and Jerry,

I don't know how to say this but....we can't see each other anymore. We just aren't good together. When it comes to you I have no self control! You are so tempting, so sweet and yummy I find myself unable to stop when I am with you. It's not you, it's me...well ok, maybe it's you too. I try to tell myself I won't go all the way, that I'll stop at a midpoint, but I never do. You just sit there with your cold facade and don't do a darn thing as I devour every last bit of you! The worst part is after I'm done, I lose all respect for myself. I promise I won't do it again, that next time will be different, but it's always the same. There have been some positive moments though. Celebrations, dates, good conversations, but mostly I  turn to you when I am bored, or depressed. What kind of a relationship is that? Not a healthy one that's for sure. I'll miss you. Maybe one day we can be friends, when I'm feeling stronger, but for now it has to be over. Thanks for the good times...

All my love-
Darling

Resolution #3-Eat better

Junior High Flashbacks...Resolution #2

Yesterday I was at Target with my kids. My son HAD to go buy another Webkinz. As if 7 others weren't enough! But, it was his money so to Target we went. While there The Princess cried because I wouldn't buy her one, The Pirate was a spaz as usual and The Pea, well, I had no idea what she wanted--that was the problem! So I am frazzled and finally herd them to the register and we get behind two teenage girls. One of them turns back to look at us then turns forward to whisper something to her friend, who then also turns around and looks directly at me and then smirks and turns back. They then proceed to glance back at me off and on (discreetly?) thinking I don't notice and continue to whisper and laugh. In an instant I was back in Junior High. I was the ugly duckling and they were the popular girls. Seriously! You'd think I'd be past this by now! But no. I spent the next few minutes at the register, all the way home and half the rest of that night trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My hair? It was in a frazzled ponytail. My clothes? Maybe not the most stylish but were they worse than I think? Was it my weight? Let's face it. I'm not skinny. Or was it the whole package? Were they whispering about how they hope to never grow into the frazzled, frumpy, unkempt mother I had become? Yeah I know...why even worry about what two teenagers had to say about me? Maybe because I think all those things about myself and just hope that everybody else doesn't.

This post wasn't meant to elicit pity comments about my hair or clothes. I guess I just wondered two things. Why are people rude? And why do I care so much about what others think of me? Obviously I can't do a lot about other people's rudeness-except try not to be rude myself. But I can try to love myself more. The question is how? The Hubster's always telling me not to make comments about myself that I wouldn't make about someone else. I'm working on it. Really I just want to learn how to love myself no matter what my hair looks like or what clothes I wear or how much I weigh. I suppose it's a journey.

So, here's resolution #2....... Learn to love myself

Sure was a long-winded way to say that huh?

Brace yourselves...Resolution #1

I've been doing some thinking about the whole resolution thing since my last post. Obviously I am not exactly on the ball since it is January 4th and my resolutions are still not set in stone. I just feel like there are SO MANY things I need to change! I have got to be the most unorganized, frazzled, with-a-tendency-to-be-lazy mother out there! But change is good....deep cleansing breaths....!

One of my resolutions I have decided will be working on my photography. Now these resolutions are not in order of priority mind you! But I really love photography so that is the subject of today. I have shot weddings and babies and families. I have been paid and not paid. Quite frankly I do not feel good enough at it to be paid but I would like to get to a point where I could use it as a way to make money to help our family, or worst case, support me and my kids if anything happened to the Hubster. I truly love takings pictures! I however do NOT love doing it when a) there are people watching i.e. weddings and b) I cannot recreate the moment if I completely screw up! i.e. weddings, births etc. I have turned down some really great opportunities in the past because of fear and I HATE THAT! So, one of my resolutions this year is to get to know my camera better, become comfortable shooting in natural light (no flash) because I think it looks the best, and get over my fear of shooting in front of people. In closing I will leave you with some of my work so that I can at least show some of the pics I have done that have been my favorites...

Resolution #10-Work on Photography

To resolve or not to resolve...

                                                                          ALMOST...


Ok, so me and New Year's resolutions do NOT get along! I am quite possibly the worst goal keeper in the history of goal keeping. In fact, I don't remember the last time I made a goal because I know I'm just setting myself up for failure! However, that being said, I am actually thinking about setting a resolution or two this year. There are so many areas I need to work on though. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. So tonight as I party I'll be thinking and stewing and quite honestly dreading because after all, I don't do well with change. But, as they say at ummm...well, some fast food restaurant, "change is good!"



To be continued...