Yep, still here...

I've had a few people ask me about my lack of posts lately so I figured I would get on here and let you know that, yes, I am still alive. I've been in a bit of a funk I think. My sister left and I miss her something fierce! My kids have been sick off and on, especially Madison and we have been trying to get to the bottom of what is causing her ongoing stomach pain. T is getting baptized tomorrow and I have been running around crazy-style trying to get everything we need for that and the invitations made and printed, then emailed out but never mailed because well, things were crazy. In the middle of everything I hurt my already painful back and that has slowed me down and made things harder. My sweet mom has helped me out SO MUCH this past week starting at a moments notice when I called and asked her to come get Em out of her crib after nap time because I literally could not stand up! *sigh*


It's funny how when a few things are stressful in life, it makes everything take on a negative feeling. I am discouraged that my back is once again making every day life harder and slower. The house falls apart because the simplest chores are painful and then I start to think about how unorganized I am and feel like a failed homemaker. I get frustrated and sad when I cannot help my child who is crying in pain in the middle of the night with stomach pain. I start to wonder if it is because, well honestly, I have not been the most diligent mother when it comes to teaching my children about nutrition and I worry that due to my negligence her stomach is suffering because I feed her too much junk. Then the paranoid side of me kicks in and I worry that it is something really serious that I am missing. Either way, I feel that I am failing as a mother. The feeling intensifies when I cannot pick up Em when she is begging me, "Carry you! Carry you!" at the store because my back hurts so bad and when T brings home his report card and I see that he is struggling with math and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is because I am not usually on top of him when it comes to homework and frequently just ignore it with all of the rest of the chaos going on each day after school.

When it comes to T getting baptized I have tried really hard to make sure everything is ready, from making invites (but not mailing them-FAIL) to buying him new dress shirts and ties to buying him a gift and making sure that we have a picture of him for display on the special day. Of course, then the guilt sets in because when Madison got baptized I was REALLY pregnant and miserable with Em and a lot of things fell through the cracks. We bought her a beautiful white dress but I didn't make invites. I didn't get her a gift because my pregnant brain didn't think about it. I forgot the camera and so I had to rely on others for pics and I wish I had the ones that I can see in my mind now. I guess I just don't want her to think that she is/was any less special...

Matt is planning on going to his Dad's house all day after the baptism to watch the day's BYU and Jazz games and instead of being excited for him to have a much deserved break and some time with his Dad, I got irritated and jealous that he was leaving for so long and I let it show when I responded in frustration to his plans. I know that he works SO HARD for our family and he really enjoys this season of sports each year and he totally deserves a fun break. Why can't I just be a good wife and be happy that he has the opportunity to relax for a little while?!

Have I mentioned that I ate Ben and Jerry's...TWICE...this week? How's that diet going you ask? Yeah.

That brings us back to this here blog. Each day I think about writing something and cannot think of anything that would actually interest anyone. I want it to be fun and inspiring and instead I feel so unorganized and discouraged so I just don't write anything.

Whew. Anyway, that's where I've been. Now that I have vomited it all over the screen I'm sure that ya'll will think twice next time you think about asking why I haven't posted in a while!

PITY PARTY FOR ONE is now CLOSED!

Roasting 'Shmallows...

Another one of our favorite things to do as a family is backyard campfires. Matt and I used to go up into the mountains when we were dating and roast hot dogs and 'shmallows over a fire all the time. Now we do it with the kids in the backyard and it's so fun to pass on a tradition that we started 13 years ago. That's also when marshmallows became known as 'shmallows. Matt and I were up in the canyon roasting hot dogs and marshmallows when he turned to me and joked, "Honey, the marshmallows are coming between us." I looked down and he was trying to scoot his camp chair closer to me but the marshmallow bag was in his way. I looked back at him and said, "Darn 'shmallows!" and a new word was born...

It's funny how just cooking hot dogs over a fire, instead of on the stove or in the microwave, makes them taste so much better! There's something magical to kids about getting to cook their own dinner over an open flame all by themselves. It's also a nice break from the routine. It kind of feels like we are on vacation for an hour or two. My kids beg for a campfire almost every weekend once it gets warm enough. They always help Matt round up wood and newspaper to get the flame started then they go get the "forkers" as T calls the roasting sticks, and the camp chairs and we are in business.

Now that we are back into toddlerhood again it's a little tricky finding a good time to have a fire sometimes. Emilia is scared of the fire, which is good because she stays away from it, but bad because she also fusses during the whole thing so I usually have to come inside with her which makes me grumpy or we sometimes wait until she goes to bed.

Sometimes we just do a quick hot dog/'shmallow roast and other times we do a full out dinner with corn on the cob and chips and watermelon etc. Whatever we do it's always delish!

Just another family tradition that I hope they always remember...

Game Night...

One of our favorite things to do as a family is play board/card games together. Unfortunately we don't seem to take/find time to do it as often as the kids would like. The other night we made chocolate chip cookies and got out Cranium Cadoo and had so much fun! It's like the kids' version of Cranium and the kids LOVE it!

It's getting really fun now because T can read well enough to compete by himself and the competition is getting stiff around here. I love when one of the kids guess something that someone else is drawing/sculpting/acting out and they get that look of pride. You know the one, that look where they try not to smile and then break out into a grin that says, "I'm brilliant!". Thomas always has to relive it a few times during the rest of the game and it's fun to see their confidence grow.

Matt is a VERY competitive person and the kids have inherited it from him so sometimes things get a little heated but it always ends up being a fun memory in the end. It'll be fun when Em is big enough to join in too but for now we'll just keep coming up with ways to distract her.

I love it when we play and for a time the kids just feel like my best friends for awhile ya know? I hope they remember these times as fondly as I know I will!

They're Playing Our Song...(a.k.a. The REALLY Long Post About Music)

I love music. I always have. When I was a kid I prided myself on how many songs I knew word for word on the radio. I love many genres of music, minus Rap and New Age and maybe Reggae. Ok I kinda hate most Hip Hop nowadays too. I'm not a big fan of Heavy Metal either but I have been known to enjoy some good Metallica, Poison, or Aerosmith. I love oldies like Air Supply (The Hubster's personal favorite:{), The Carpenters and Simon and Garfunkel. I love really old oldies too like Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly and good ole' Bing Crosby (no one does Christmas music like Bing). I love Broadway Musicals and actually cried multiple times through both Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables when I saw them in person because I had loved the music for so long, and I could not believe I was finally hearing it live! I love Christian music as well, both LDS (Mormon) and non-denominational (Selah is a favorite!) and often listen to my "Christian Music" playlist when my soul needs some down time.

It's hard to pick a favorite genre so I won't (although I do listen to country the majority of the time). I will say though that my favorite thing about music is the memories it creates for me. When I listen to soundtracks from musicals I am transported back to my childhood home, to laying on my brother's bedroom floor, listening to Phantom and Les Miz and Miss Siagon on his snazzy new CD player that was, in our minds, the coolest thing invented since cold Hostess Cupcakes! Man, I'm old...I tell you though, we could belt it out to Grease just as well as Danny and Sandy ever could!

(This was before digital cameras...excuse the poor picture quality. This is me (far right), my older brother and younger sister at mine and Matt's engagement party many moons ago...)  

Neil Diamond always conjures memories of my brother (who just about worshiped Neil for a while) sitting in our living room recliner with big old headphones on belting out The Jazz Singer, not even close to on-key, and me being incredibly embarrassed as I brought my friends through. i wish I could think of a song off the top of my head that reminds me of my sis. but I'm drawing a blank...love you Amber!

The Lion King soundtrack brings memories of turning 16 and meeting my missionary. That summer we met and fell into twitterpation, and saw the movie at a drive-in theater to the sound of crickets and a warm summer breeze. I cried when I sent him off a month later, sure that my heart was breaking...ahhh young love! When I hear anything from the band Chicago I am taken back to a my High School boyfriend surprising me with concert tickets and a Chicago CD on Valentine's Day in 1996. It was my first real concert!

When Matt and I were dating I checked my voicemail one day at work and there was a message from him. He had called to see how my day was going and had thought of me when he heard a song on a CD. Then he recorded that song on my answering machine and told me that he loved me. The song was "When I Look at You Girl" by George Strait. I smile every time I hear it now (which sadly isn't often) and remember that nineteen year old girl and that twenty-one year old boy and the fascination they felt with each other in that new relationship back then.

Then, there's "The Way you Look Tonight" from the movie Father of the Bride. It's one my all time faves because the movie is one of my all times faves (I've seen it like 10 times) but more importantly it's on my wedding video. When I hear that song I am instantly transported back to that beautiful spring day when I made the best decision of my life and married my best friend.

There's a more current song that also makes me think of Matt every time. Another Martina McBride song, "I Just Call You Mine". The chorus says,

And everyone that sees you always wants to know you

And everyone that knows you always has a smile...

Everyone calls you amazing, I just call you mine.

Yep. That says it all. I really am so blessed to have the husband that I do. I really am so lucky that I get to call him mine! Oooh...very cheezy. Sorry!

I know that one of Matt's most treasured songs is Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World". When Madison was little he used to take her out on the swing set on warm summer evenings. She would glide back and forth, her curls blowing in the breeze, and he would sing that song to her. After a few times she picked up the lyrics and would sing along. He (and I) can still hear her sweet little voice as she sang, "What a wonderful will-d...".

(April 5 2004-The day after her 4th birthday)

Over the years I have found a song that, in my mind, represents each of my kids and our family. When "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride first started playing on the radio I knew that was Madison's song. Madison was not only my first born, but more than that, she had been the one that made me "somebody's Mother". The first verse says,

In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear.

But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me

I see who I want to be...In my daughter's eyes.

That it...That's how I feel about Madison. She is my hero. She is wise beyond her years. As Ashlee says, "she has an old soul". She is funny and talented and friendly and compassionate and, the longer I know her, the more I want to be like her.

Then, when T was about 4 years old I heard a song called, "Watching You" by Rodney Atkins. Originally it made me think of Thomas and Matt seeing as it's a song about a 4-year old little boy and his dad. But the more I listened to it I realized that my little boy watches his mom too! There was a time when my kids were young that I used that "D" word (I'm keepin' it clean since The Princess reads this ya know...) a little too often when I was frustrated and my darling little red-headed boy picked up on it and started using it! Oh boy! I stopped that in a hurry! But there have also been times when I have seen him pick up on positive things that Matt and I do.

(2007-Helping Matt fill our backyard sandbox)

Let's hope in the end there's more good than bad! The song also reminds me of the little boy he was at that age. The song talks about chicken nugget Happy Meals and Scooby-Doo, both things that my own 4-year old boy was obsessed with back then. When I hear that song now, I have my little boy back for a few minutes. The little boy that said "gleen" instead of "green" and still carried around his bear blanky with a knotted fringe that he would twirl in his ear to comfort himself. In those moments I see that little boy more clearly in the growing boy that has replaced him.

Now of course we can't forget The Pea! Her song was one I heard on a blog one day. I don't remember which blog but I knew the minute I heard the song that it was the one for her. It is "Amazing" by Janelle. We've talked a little about Emilia, you and I, but have I made it clear how much I N.E.V.E.R. wanted another baby? I was serious. I loved my older two but as mentioned in previous posts, my experiences with babies were not entirely pleasant and post-partum depression was a cloud that loomed heavy and dark over my head with each newborn arrival. To do that again by choice was, in my mind, just not an option. Then my heart started to soften and there was a whisper that asked, "maybe just once more?" What followed was nothing short of a miracle in my life.

(For the record--I did not know I would be in this pic that day...hence the hat and t-shirt! 
Not to mention on here it looks like I have mustache whiskers too! I do not-I promise!!! 
It's still my fave pic of her. Anyhoo...)

To have a beautiful healthy baby girl come into my life and to be given the gift of simply enjoying her was...bliss. When I heard this song and the second verse said,  

You came like crashing thunder breaking through these walls of stone.

You came with wide-eyed wonder in to all this great unknown.  

You’re so amazing, you shine like the stars. 

You’re so amazing, the beauty you are. 

You came blazing right in to my heart. 

You’re so amazing, you are…you are!

It was like hearing what my heart was feeling! That probably doesn't make much sense... I had walls around my heart when it came to having any more children. Walls that were cold and dark and thick. Nothing short of a miracle could penetrate them. But a miracle did. She didn't know what she was getting herself into (then again maybe she did and picked me anyway...)! The possibility was there that I wouldn't be able to care for her, love her like she deserved, if I couldn't shake the darkness that had always threatened to overtake me in similar times. But the darkness never came. It was...amazing! maybe I should listen to the song a little more often now that the terrible two's are here...  

Our family has a song too you know. It's Lonestar's "My Front Porch Looking In". It came out when our two older kids were about 2 and 4. The chorus goes like this...

There's a carrot top who can barely walk with a sippy cup of milk.

A little blue-eyed blonde with her shoes on wrong 'cause she likes to dress herself...

It described our little family to the "T". Even now, when our kids hear it they get excited and say, "It's our song!" Of course, now we've added another "carrot top" to the mix but it's still our song. My kids seem to have inherited my love of music (yay!). The Pirate's permanently attached to his MP3 player most days and The Princess is a natural at piano. The Pea can really bust a move when the music starts and there's lots of fun moments in the car when we turn up a good song and have a family jam session. Most of all though I just hope that when my kids are all grown up they'll remember a childhood full of music and dancing and memories...

P.S. Whew! That was a long one! Thanks for hangin' in there...

Reading time...

We've started a new tradition at our house. I've always tried to read a story to my kids before bed each night and the last year or so it's kind of gotten away from me. I've felt so guilty not reading to them like I always have, especially with Thomas because I read to Madison every night for the first 8 or so years of her life and poor T has gotten the short end of the stick it seems when it comes to this nightly tradition. By the time I get three kids in bed I am usually frazzled and exhausted and the last thing I feel like doing is reading multiple stories. So, about a week and a half ago I decided I would get all of them in bed (well, Madison prefers to lay in her bed and T plays quietly with his army guys since he falls asleep in about 5 minutes flat once his head hits the pillow and therefore he would never actually hear any of the book if he laid in bed while I read) and then I sit outside the two older kids' room and read a chapter or so out of one book to both of them. Right now we are reading this book...

It's fun to read out loud and come up with different voices for different characters (although I'm sure I sound like a total dork but it's for the children right?). It's been fun to see how they get into the story, asking questions and moaning when it's time to stop for the night. Madison always has a near coronary when I close the book and she has to wait for the next night to find out what happens. Between you and me I think Thomas just likes the extra play time and I'm not sure he even really "gets" the story but he enjoys it too so I'll keep going! Sometimes I feel guilty that I am reading them a story instead of the scriptures but one thing at a time right? I hope they know that I do it because I love them, because I love to read and want them to also, because I love to watch their eyes light up at the anticipation as the story builds and because I secretly hope that even when they are too old to listen anymore and even when they move away, they will remember my voice. At some point I will have to start reading Em a story every night too (right now by bedtime she just wants to lay in her crib and has no patience for stories when she is that tired) and things will be busy again but this new "reading time" is good because it's re-teaching me to sit and be still with my kids again, something that seems to get lost in our home at times. If you have read any good books that your kids have loved pass em' on. If I get my way we'll  need many books to read for many years to come!

The Hubster flips!

This past weekend held some firsts for our family...

Emilia's first time diggin' with her big brother and sister in the sandbox...

The Pirate's first time mowing (a patch of) the lawn...

And... The Hubster's first back flip on a trampoline since he was a teenager. Yes, he landed safely and yes, the kids were highly impressed. In fact, afterwards, I heard T declare it, 

"An amazing day"!

        

         

             

Beach Scrap Pages...

So I'm comin' outta the closet! I'm putting my kids' names out there in these pages and I'm not gonna be anxious about it. I'm not gonna stop calling them by their nicknames though because I just like em'! Anyway, here's the rest of the beach pics...hope you enjoy them!

That's all folks!

Next....The American Girl Store.

The Ocean...

On our final full day in California we relaxed a little. The older two kids and The Hubster went swimming in the beautiful condo pools while The Pea and I stayed back and napped, then we all went to the beach afterwards. it was amazing! Living somewhere far from the ocean means we truly appreciate it's grandness when we see it. It also helped that we got there in the evening so we got to see the sunset too. I'm really excited about some of the pictures I got while we were there but I took A TON! So instead of putting them all in one really long post I figure I will do a couple posts about the beach.

This top picture was actually kind of an accident. I wasn't worrying about my exposure in that moment and just happened to expose for the sunlight and not The Pirate. I love that he turned out in shadow! I also love that he has his jacket on because it is so him. He ALWAYS has his hooded jackets on. Rain, snow or sun. All winter he wore two hooded fleece jackets instead of a coat. *sigh* My boy is getting big... 

This was also a fun picture for me because it captures The Princess in one of her most authentic moments. She is incredibly curious about all things "nature". She is constantly researching animals, bugs, rocks and shells. She checks out books at the library about nature, she watches the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet whenever she can. She regularly digs in our back yard hoping to find a new kind of rock or fossil and she would rather spend her money on polished rocks than toys. She is one curious, smart cookie!

To be continued...

Sea World...

Ok so it's about time right? I just know you are all eagerly awaiting this post so without further adieu....

Sea World!

(click on each page to make them bigger-and in case you're wondering why I am posting scrapbook pages instead of simple pictures I figured I might as well just complete my pages for my Shutterfly book that I plan on having printed and then post them here too-kill two birds with one stone and all!)

P.S. I know that these pages mention The Pea's nickname as well as The Hubster's but I was too

 lazy to blur them out!