My name is Misty....and I am a shopaholic.

I, like a lot of you, am a stay-at-home mom. I am so very blessed  to be a stay-at-home mom. However. I get so freaking stir crazy sometimes that I feel as though I may literally implode at any moment if I don't GET OUT! I know I shouldn't complain. I know that I am incredibly blessed. I know there are mothers who would give anything to stay home with their kids and some mothers in this economy that just wish they had a home to stay home in. So I know I sound ungrateful and I am sorry. But there are so many days that cooking the same meals and cleaning up the same messes and stopping the same arguments just to have them all repeat themselves almost exactly the next day is so maddening! It's like the movie Groundhog Day. Only it seems so much funnier when it's Bill Murray and not me.

Here's where the shopping comes in. I get bored, I get stir crazy, I desperately think of somewhere, anywhere to go and that somewhere is usually Target. Or  Hobby Lobby. Or Walmart. Or....well, you get the picture. Why don't I find a hobby? I have them. Unfortunately my toddler's hobby is to make it impossible for me to do any of them. I miss being able to sit down and bead, or edit pictures, or just watch a T.V. show without being interrupted 47 times. It's very bad when your baby grabs your container of beads and chucks it on the floor. Very bad. So, as mentioned above, I shop. I buy more beads that I won't be able to use for the next 3 years or so. I buy clothes that I think will make me feel better about myself, that I can't fit into because I can't find time (or energy) to work out. Not to mention, when I am not shopping I am eating because I am bored . The people at McDonalds know me now. They see me so often that they ask how my kids are and where I have been when they don't see me for a day or two. Pathetic! The worst part is that a) I pass it on  to my kids and b) I feel so bad when I have to answer to The Hubster for the damage (to our banking account) I have done. He is always patient. He rarely gets mad at me and even when he does it's not much. But I don't want to be this way. I want to be fulfilled. I want to be productive. I want to be SANE!

Before I had kids I worked in  the mortgage industry. I was pretty good at it. I got things done, and they stayed done. People listened to me. I miss that. I miss the satisfaction of closing out a file and knowing that I would never see that file again. I loved that feeling that all my hard work and research and sometimes fighting for the things I needed was really worth it. I miss feeling like my co-workers respected me and thought I was intelligent. Now my brain has shriveled. It doesn't seem to take a lot of brain power to do load after load of laundry and dishes. I HATE cooking (hence the McDonalds...). Most days I do the bear minimum and look forward to going to bed. Wow. I am a real downer. No wonder ya'll keep coming back!

So anyway, here's my question. Do you guys feel that way? What do you do about it? I am stuck in a serious rut and feel like I have been since, well, since I became a mom. Yeah. 9 years, I know. Now, let me clear something up. I LOVE my kids. I DON'T want to go back to work. I KNOW this is where I should be as a mother and the whole point of my rambling is that I want to make it a better experience for myself, which will in turn make it a better experience for my family. Not to mention save us money. Although I'm not sure how the McDonalds employees will go on with out my bright smiling face and sparkling wit.

And that's all I have to say about that.