The Rut.

When my kids have a cold they don't usually say they have "a cold", they say they have "The Cold", like it's the plague or something (makes me laugh every time!). I don't have The Cold but I do seem to be stuck in The Rut. I am bored. I have no motivation. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of things that I should do(laundry, dishes, mopping, vacuuming, changing sheets, washing walls, etc., etc.), just nothing I want to do. I lack passion for really anything right now and I don't know if it is my depression rearing it's ugly head again or a bad attitude or what. But I find myself sitting at the computer too much because it's easy or wandering around aimlessly just trying to make myself get things done and it feels like everything is just too HUGE. Too much work. Too much energy required. Too much thought needed. Ugh! Now that I am typing I realize this is definitely my depression talking. It's amazing how when you are depressed, even moderately, everything feels impossible. Even typing this feels so tiring and that just seems PATHETIC! Then I think about it too much and I start to feel guilty that I will most likely pass on depression through my genes to my kids and that makes me feel even worse. Not to mention I start thinking of all the things about myself that I am not happy with and would change and then I get angry that I am not one of those good-attitude-go-getter types and....Oy Vay! 

 I've been on anti-depressants for 9 years now. I've struggled with depression since I was a kid. I'm not one of those people that minds taking a "happy pill" every day-no personal stigma attached or anything-but I just switched to another because my previous one was starting to let me down and this new one is like the 6th or 7th I've tried and I am frustrated that I can't just be happy without drugs!!! I read all these things about how exercise can help depression so much but when I exercise my bulging disks in my back and my Plantar Fasciitis in my feet make it so painful to move which just discourages me more. 

Complain...complain...complain...

Anyway, this is really just a therapy post for me so I'm sure it was a real snoozer for you :) but if you have any depression busting ideas let me know...