Christmas Memory--30 second Santa Claus...

To those who may still be reading my blog (thanks by the way!): I was reading posts back from the beginning of this blog and thought I'd repost this since we did just finish with Christmas. It made me laugh and yes, we did go to the mall this year! I'll be back soon, after having taken my blog sabbatical, but until then...enjoy! 

Found this on SketchySantas.com and it seemed fitting...

Ok, so yesterday I had the brilliant idea that I would take the kids to see Santa. We see the same Santa at the same mall every year. I've always told my kids that this one is the REAL Santa and the rest are just helpers. So I go through all the trouble of throwing the little darlings in the car with the hopes of getting just one good pic of all three with Old St. Nick. Half way there I realize I forgot my camera. (Insert faux swear word!) We get there, meet my Mom and she tells me she brought her camera. Yeah! We hit the North Pole and there's no line! Yippee!!! HOWEVER-There is a sign that says no personal pics are allowed. WHAT!? But of course they would be happy to take them for me for the low price of $20.00 for 2 5x7's. I could get like, well, 20 5x7's for 20 bucks at Wal-Mart. Now call me old fashioned but how hard is it to just let a parent take a little snap shot of their crying baby on Chris Cringle's lap? So I tell the Kiddie Kandids' Chick dressed like an Elf no thanks and usher the kids in. Santa sits one older kid on each side (what's the use in subjecting The Pea to the age old toddler inflicted horror of the White Bearded One if I can't capture it for posterity) and in about 30 seconds flat asks them what they want, gets their answer and tells them he'll see what he can do, then moves them along with a story book. They leave a bit shell shocked to be honest. The Pirate turns to me and says, "That's it? That was boring!" I felt bad. They look forward for months and then don't even get the courtesy of being asked if they've been naughty or nice! Oh, and to top it all off? I was informed by The Princess that Santa had garlic breath! How about an after lunch candy cane Santa?

Next we move onto Things Remembered with my Mom to get a Christmas Ornament for my brother's baby and I proceed to tell The Pirate no less than 20 times to stop running around, stop hanging on me, stop playing chicken with the Christmas train that keeps driving laps around the mall corridors and most of all stop stretching his shirt over his knees and hopping around like a hobbit while I try to focus enough brain power on helping my Mom pick out the ornament and also keep The Pea entertained because she has now decided that she will not sit peacefully in her stroller like she usually does but instead wants to be held and is determined to touch ever shiny silver object on the counter top in front of her (whew!). Alas, we survive and bid the Things Remembered employee adeu. At this point, all though technically The Pirate does not deserve a ride on the Christmas train, I figure it will buy me a good 5-7 minutes of peace and I happily allow my very generous Mother to buy tickets for it. I place The Pea on the lap of The Princess, threaten The Pirate if he even thinks about standing up during the trip and remind them to keep their hands inside the ride at all times. I then wave giddily as they drive off. I proceed to spend the next 5 minutes taking deep cleansing breaths and dreaming of the darling pink dress I saw at Dillards (that I can't justify buying) that would look so cute on The Pea. Yeah so, 5 minutes goes REALLY fast!

So now I'm thinking I can still salvage the day with lunch. My kids LOVE eating at the mall. They always get The Village Pizzeria. Spaghetti for The Pirate and Ziti for The Princess. Throw in more bread sticks than any two children should consume in one meal and you've got a meal made in heaven! We get our food, sit down and I start cutting spaghetti. I think, "Hey, The Pirate never finishes his spaghetti. I'll give The Pea some and I won't have to spend more dough on something for her." The first three bites go well. Then she decides to help. You know the drill. You're trying to get the food to the toddlers mouth and a power struggle ensues. I tried to get the fork away before she could drop the contents and she decides to flip the thing and spaghetti splatters EVERYWHERE! She honestly looked like she had been in a food fight. It was all over her face, her clothes, in her eyes, and all over her stroller (where's the camera now?). I have to admit. I put my face in my hands and just sat for a minute. To cry or not to cry... You'd be proud, I didn't cry. I cleaned her up then went and stood in line for a ridiculously long time to get her a corn dog that she would eat roughly 3 bites of. Better have been some darn tasty bites! During all of this my sweet Mother had gone and got me lunch. I sat down to eat while listening to The Pirate ask for quarters repeatedly. I finally threatened to never give him another quarter as long as he lived (which at this point was looking like a mighty short time) and tried to enjoy my Charlie's Steakery. After a few minutes Grandma came to the rescue and gave them money for the carousel and the claw machine and I finished up my Chicken Philly.

By this time I was more than ready to go but my Mom offered ice cream and a sista needs ice cream at a time like this! The Pirate decided to pull out the spoiled rotten act and pout about the lack of Oreo ice cream cones at Dairy Queen but quickly apologized when faced with the alternative of no ice cream at all and gratefully accepted a vanilla cone. I didn't want to rush my Mom so I agreed to go to Bath and Body Works where she needed to buy a gift. Besides, if I ever needed aromatherapy today was the day! We were there about ten minutes and I think The Pirate had been told to get out of the middle of the teetering display shelves three times. He and The Princess had sprayed probably 5 different perfumes on themselves and The Pea was started a full scale meltdown. My poor Mom made her purchase and we hightailed it outta there!

Well, that was the end. We made our way to the car, hugged Grandma goodbye and I instructed them to get in the car through gritted teeth. The ride home was quiet. I think they were a teensy bit afraid of me. Hmmm...go figure.

Honestly, my kids are great kids-usually. What is it that brings out the worst in them sometimes? I admit, I did have a picture in my head of how I had wanted the day to go. But really? The Pirate is always some level of a spaz but this time he was in rare form. The Pea is famous for her peaceful disposition and willingness to happily sit in her stroller for long periods of time. Uh, not today. And The Princess hardly ever misbehaves out in public and even she had to be reprimanded a few times. I tell you, I shoulda dragged those 3 back to Santa at the end of that trip and demanded he ask the naughty or nice question and then whipped out my personal camera and taken a pic of Mr. Bowl Full of Jelly right in front of Elf girl and let her do with that what she wanted!

I think next year we'll skip the mall...