I've had a few people ask me about my lack of posts lately so I figured I would get on here and let you know that, yes, I am still alive. I've been in a bit of a funk I think. My sister left and I miss her something fierce! My kids have been sick off and on, especially Madison and we have been trying to get to the bottom of what is causing her ongoing stomach pain. T is getting baptized tomorrow and I have been running around crazy-style trying to get everything we need for that and the invitations made and printed, then emailed out but never mailed because well, things were crazy. In the middle of everything I hurt my already painful back and that has slowed me down and made things harder. My sweet mom has helped me out SO MUCH this past week starting at a moments notice when I called and asked her to come get Em out of her crib after nap time because I literally could not stand up! *sigh*
It's funny how when a few things are stressful in life, it makes everything take on a negative feeling. I am discouraged that my back is once again making every day life harder and slower. The house falls apart because the simplest chores are painful and then I start to think about how unorganized I am and feel like a failed homemaker. I get frustrated and sad when I cannot help my child who is crying in pain in the middle of the night with stomach pain. I start to wonder if it is because, well honestly, I have not been the most diligent mother when it comes to teaching my children about nutrition and I worry that due to my negligence her stomach is suffering because I feed her too much junk. Then the paranoid side of me kicks in and I worry that it is something really serious that I am missing. Either way, I feel that I am failing as a mother. The feeling intensifies when I cannot pick up Em when she is begging me, "Carry you! Carry you!" at the store because my back hurts so bad and when T brings home his report card and I see that he is struggling with math and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is because I am not usually on top of him when it comes to homework and frequently just ignore it with all of the rest of the chaos going on each day after school.
When it comes to T getting baptized I have tried really hard to make sure everything is ready, from making invites (but not mailing them-FAIL) to buying him new dress shirts and ties to buying him a gift and making sure that we have a picture of him for display on the special day. Of course, then the guilt sets in because when Madison got baptized I was REALLY pregnant and miserable with Em and a lot of things fell through the cracks. We bought her a beautiful white dress but I didn't make invites. I didn't get her a gift because my pregnant brain didn't think about it. I forgot the camera and so I had to rely on others for pics and I wish I had the ones that I can see in my mind now. I guess I just don't want her to think that she is/was any less special...
Matt is planning on going to his Dad's house all day after the baptism to watch the day's BYU and Jazz games and instead of being excited for him to have a much deserved break and some time with his Dad, I got irritated and jealous that he was leaving for so long and I let it show when I responded in frustration to his plans. I know that he works SO HARD for our family and he really enjoys this season of sports each year and he totally deserves a fun break. Why can't I just be a good wife and be happy that he has the opportunity to relax for a little while?!
Have I mentioned that I ate Ben and Jerry's...TWICE...this week? How's that diet going you ask? Yeah.
That brings us back to this here blog. Each day I think about writing something and cannot think of anything that would actually interest anyone. I want it to be fun and inspiring and instead I feel so unorganized and discouraged so I just don't write anything.
Whew. Anyway, that's where I've been. Now that I have vomited it all over the screen I'm sure that ya'll will think twice next time you think about asking why I haven't posted in a while!
PITY PARTY FOR ONE is now CLOSED!
Summertime Sweets
2 months ago
4 comments:
Hang in there Misty. You are not failing as a mother or wife or whatever you are feeling. I have had those days for sure. You are a great mom. If I can help, I would love too. If Em needs to be lifted out of her crib CALL ME! I would love to have her come play with Aves again. Hang in there....so what if you ate Ben & Jerry's....I keep eating snickers! You are doing great....keep telling yourself that so that you will believe it.
MISTY, I feel like a HORRIBLE FRIEND! I didn't know things were so bad. Please know that you are LOVED!! You are such a good mom to your children and a wonderful wife. Sometimes life is just hard and it is hard to keep on top of it all. Hang in there. If it makes you feel better there are things that I wish that I had done for Kaleb that I didnt do for Karmindy. It makes me feel bad too. But that is the past and tomorrow is the future. So just leave what has happened in the past. You can't change it, must do what you can do and don't worry about the rest. I tend to dwell on what I can't get done instead of what I have been able to accomplish! Look at what you have been able to do and forget the rest. Hang in there lady. I am just a couple door steps away and I am always willing to help. I love you oodles girlie! Please call... YOu won't be bugging me!
Hey remember me from the retreat? You're great...Pity parties are perfectly fine to have. We would not be NORMAL if we didn't feel some or all of those things you mentioned at some point in time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Some days/weeks/months are just like that. Hang in there and know that there are hundreds (and thousands) of mothers who feel or have felt that way too. Just take it an hour at a time and best wishes for your back to get better.
xxx
dear darling dg,
don't be so hard on yourself! You clearly love adore and work hard for your sweet family. I have similar days weeks months gosh years you name it and boy is it a constant struggle to stay upbeat. I do in fact fail that challenge on a daily basis. you have a lovely family. I hope you days get more perky :)
so what I actually stopped by to say is does coconut oil really work on eczema??? because I would totally love to try that!
<3 jill
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